I will write a book that teaches people over fifty how and why to run.

The book will start out with a nice bit of text about how to get ready for your run.

Twenty five years ago, you just needed two things to run... a right shoe and a left shoe. You could get up from the couch during the opening shots of Miami Vice.... where they showed the water and the speed boats and the apparently pastel city of Miami... and be out the door in seconds. You'd be back at your couch before the guys wrapped up their latest drug bust.

Oh, how things have changed... Now you must get up from the blog you are writing and make sure the orthotics are in your running shoes. You sure don't want to get that plantars fascitis again...

Then you've got to find your iPod/iPhone. The point of being out there is, after all, the chance to find and think your own thoughts and those are much easier to come by with some good music.

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Then you need your reading glasses so you can see what it says on the iPhone.

Some cookies should be in your pocket in case you took too much insulin... you'll want to have an emergency supply of glucose after all. When you are smart, you put the cookies in a little plastic bag so they don't get your pocket all crumbed up...

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Some swear by a watch, but I just use the iPhone. Consider this optional.

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Oh, don't forget to grab an arm band with a place to fit the iPhone so you won't have to hold the thing in your hand.

Thank goodness you don't need a cell phone anymore. Like your new iPhone, cell phones are handy in case you have to call 911 on yourself in the event of a sudden collapse from heat stroke or something... (none yet, thankfully).

If you are running in the sun, do some sunscreen before you go. Tan is no longer as cool as it was for the Miami Vice guys. Maybe a five dollar bill in your pocket, in case you want to stop somewhere for gatorade.

Oh, get your sun glasses of course...

and a baseball hat...

and one of those shirts that is supposed to wick away the sweat...

And that should do it. You're ready to go and you should be back before Letterman.

There will be no chapter in the book about stretching before going out. There is never enough time to do that anyway.